Behavior Is Selfish (And That’s Good News): How to Communicate Clearly and Build Real Habits

I’ll start with a question. Why do you do what you do? And why does your dog do what your dog does?

Here’s the simple truth I keep coming back to. Behavior is selfish. Mine. Yours. Your dog’s. That is not negative. It is how we are wired. We move toward what feels good and we try to avoid what feels bad. When I accepted that, communication got easier, focus got clearer, and habits became simpler to build.

Welcome back to The Weekly Recall. I’m Duke, your coach and trainer. Last time I asked you to get clear on what you want and why it matters. If you missed that one, go listen, then come back to this. Today is part two. We are taking clarity and turning it into action you can repeat.

Let me ground this in a story. Years ago I worked a dog that was reactive on leash. The owner told me, “He’s eager to please. He knows he’s doing wrong.” I stopped him. No. The dog was not trying to please him. The dog was trying to please himself. The outbursts were rewarding in the moment. They reduced fear and pressure. They worked for him.

We do the same thing. In my twenties I hit a rough season. My dad passed suddenly. I left a path I thought was my future. I took on heavy debt. Our house burned down. I went to work. Hard. Sixty to a hundred hours a week. I told myself I was doing it for clients, community, and family. There was truth in that. But I was also chasing a feeling of accomplishment and worth. I was avoiding pain. I let my health slide. I got reactive with people in certain situations. That was behavior serving a need. It was selfish. Not evil. Just honest.

When you understand that behavior seeks either to increase the pleasant or avoid the unpleasant, you start to see the levers you can use. You can ask, “Is this habit taking me closer to my goal or farther away?” You can build a plan that meets the true motivation, not the story you wish were true.

Dogs are no different. If dogs were eager to please us by default, I would be out of a job. They love what rewards them. For many dogs that is food or toys. For some it is touch and attention. For others it is space and freedom. Your job is to discover what actually motivates your dog and use it on purpose.

That brings us to communication. Dogs learn through experience and repetition. They read the world through four channels. Scent. Body language. Sound. Touch. If you get intentional about those channels, you can create clarity fast.

Scent. Use food as a lure and a reward. Keep it simple. Food in your fist. Point with your finger. Let the dog follow the nose. Do not wave the treat in front of the eyes. Make the nose do the work. You can also remove access to a scent to reduce a behavior, but start by using it to guide and mark the things you want.

Body language. Your posture is a message. Tight leash equals tension. Tension equals reactivity. Relax your shoulders. Breathe. If you want the dog to hold a stay, step forward into the space with calm, tall posture. If you want the dog to come, step back and invite. Kneel and notice how often the dog chooses you. Your body tells the story before your mouth does.

Sound. Speak calmly. Mark the right behavior. I use “break” to release and pay. You can use a clicker if you like. The timing matters more than the tool. Mark and reward. Mark and reward. Repeat until the dog lights up when you say the word.

Touch. This is the most powerful channel. Teach the dog what light pressure means and what to do when they feel it. Yielding to the leash. Moving into position. Settling down. Touch can reward and it can interrupt. It must be clear. If your dog is running free and will not come, you cannot communicate. Use a leash or a long line so you always have a way to touch, guide, and follow through.

Now let’s connect clarity and communication to action. Dogs change with repetition. So do we. Consistency is not about perfection. It is about showing up with the same simple actions often enough that they become second nature.

Here is a straightforward way to start. Open your journal and write these down.

1. What is one behavior in yourself or your dog that you want to change?

2. What truly motivates that behavior right now?

3. What is one small action you can take every day this week that moves you closer to the goal?

Keep the action small. Five minutes of training with a clear marker and reward. A quiet walk with loose leash and relaxed breath. Three minutes of breath work and prayer before you train. Music on to set your state. A simple sit, stay, recall pattern on a long line. One action. Every day.

Track it with a checkbox. Celebrate every win. When you write and track, you remind yourself why this matters. That is how you keep momentum when life gets busy.

If you want a quick checklist to tape on the fridge, use this.

• I know my goal for this week.

• I chose a daily action I can finish in five minutes.

• I set an alarm on my phone to trigger that action.

• I prepared my tools in one place.

• I will mark, reward, and end on a win.

Behavior is selfish. That is good news. It means you can work with it. For you and your dog. Meet the true motivation, communicate in the channels that matter, and repeat the small actions that build trust and skill. Keep showing up. That is how real change happens.

If this hits home, tell me your biggest takeaway. If you want coaching and a community that keeps you focused and consistent, you know where to find me. I’m here to help you build the bond you and your dog deserve.